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Cultural Musings on Chatham-Kent
NEW YEARS DAY WAS AN IMPORTANT “CALLING DAY”
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Dating, or I should say “courting”, was a much more formal, regimented activity in 1910 than it is to-day in 2010. There was a complicated series of rituals associated with courting and it was the duty of parents to instill within their children (especially the females) the acceptable and unacceptable rules associated with this oldest of all “social games”. It was also the “duty” of the young to try and circumvent these rules as often as they could but…that’s another story!On almost every major holiday, it was customary in the past for gentlemen to call on their lady acquaintances but no holiday was a bigger “calling day” than New Years Day. However, as was stated before, this day was also fraught with “dos” and “don’ts” for the young ladies as even the most casual glance at THE LADIES BOOK OF ETIQUETTE reveals.
Ladies it cautions should be dressed early in the day on New Year’s Day and “ready to receive friends”. She should also ensure that there are “suitable refreshments provided such as fruit, cake etc.” When the gentleman arrives the young lady should “shake hands with their guests which is not inconsistent with true politeness”. These visits should also “always be short” and always preceded by a “calling card”. If the lady of the house does not feel like receiving guests she should have “the bell answered by a servant” (if the family has one) and cards received.
In the important area of greetings, there were some definite procedures suggested .by THE LADIES BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. When greeting a visitor a bow should be made “by a slight bend of the body” and at the same time that “you incline your head”. It was also suggested that “a smile should always accompany your bow”.
For gentlemen meeting ladies on the street they should always “raise his hat” but this must be preceded by the lady bowing to the gentleman first as a “token that she permits him to recognize her”. However, when meeting in the street, it is considered “impolite (for the lady) to courtesy in the street, for low courtesies are entirely unfashionable, unless made as a mark of respect to an elderly person”.
When meeting in a street it was considered acceptable for a gentleman to say, “I am very happy to make your acquaintance”; however, this salutation was not an acceptable way for a lady to address a gentleman. A lady should say instead, “I am happy to see you”.
Promenading or walking around town was a key part of the complicated courting procedure but unfortunately THE LADIES BOOK OF ETIQUETTE felt that, although women in North America are considered to be “the most beautiful in the world, their gait is decidedly worse than that of any other nation”.
In order to correct this fault, it was suggested that young ladies request men to “keep the step with you as two persons of dissimilar gaits look particularly awkward”. Gentlemen should also be instructed to “keep to the outside of the walk” and although it is permissible for a gentleman to walk between two ladies, it is “more polite” for him to “keep to the outside”.
A young lady when out walking should not, if she is unmarried, “take the arm of an unmarried man as this is a token of engagement”; however, a married lady may “take the arm of an intimate friend of the other sex”. In addition, it was stated that “it is extremely vulgar for two ladies to walk arm in arm unless one is much older than the other” and no lady should ever “take the arms of two gentleman”.
These trite, complex and complicated “rules of engagement” may seem terribly restrictive, silly and unnecessary to the young of to-day’s “anything goes world” but there are some aspects of these traditional rules of courting that seem, to me at least, utterly civilized, sublimely courteous and terribly romantic.
Would it be so horrible to adopt just a few of these “old-fashioned” customs in 2010? I think it would be worthy of a try! It could not be any worse than to-day's seemingly lack of ANY courtship guidelines.
Jim and Lisa Gilbert are local, national and international award winning educators and historians.
