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The Pastoral Lens
Bad Parenting Gone To Seed
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
It's really no secret today that some very dumb moves are being made out there in the parenting world. In fact, we are starting to get dulled in our senses because of the constant bombardment of superficial advice coming by way of talk show gurus and pop psychologists. Nevertheless, some incidents do seem to stand out above the rest.Enter Anette Pharris, a 34-year-old mother from Nashville, Tennessee, who decided the best way to treat her 16-year-old son to a special birthday party was to hire a stripper to dance for him and his friends. Don't blame your spell checker. I did say "stripper" in the same sentence as "16-year-old son", despite the incredulity you're probably dealing with right about now. There is such a thing as bad judgement, and then there's, well, absolute stupidity. What was Ms. Pharris thinking, anyway?
Her antics have caught the attention of a grand jury, charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor and involving a minor in obscene acts. The boy's father, the stripper, and a couple others are also charged. Ms. Pharris is quoted as saying, "I tried to do something special for my son. It didn't harm him." Yeah, right. That's why a grand jury is indicting this woman, because "it didn't harm him." How does she know, anyway? What about a few years from now? Today's seeds are tomorrow's harvest. To make matters even worse, there were 9 other people under the age of 18 at this party who were exposed to the stripper and her lewd routine. This woman violated the conscience and authority of those kids' parents. I'm sure they were totally unaware of the content of the party before things got found out. Ms. Pharris took photos at the party and then tried to get them developed at a local drug store. The employees alertly notified police.
There is a good lesson to be learned in all of this for parents. Do you know who your children's friends are? What do you know about them? What standards do you have for them? Parenting is a huge responsibility, yet many take a casual approach to it. We have the awesome role and responsibility of raising the next generation. What do we want that generation to look like? Do we care?
Let me close on a positive note. I was speaking with a grocery store clerk some time ago. She and her husband have 2 boys who are approximately 4 and 6 years of age. Her husband works a straight afternoon shift which means he is never home for the precious bedtime ritual. However, he has a neat system in place. He has so arranged his schedule that he takes his break at about the time the boys are getting ready for bed. He talks to each one individually and also sings to them. This woman told me how this is the absolute highlight of the evening for her boys. Kudos to this couple for the solid investment they are making in the lives of their children. Amidst the junk going on out there these days, there are some success stories, too. Good news can still be found.
