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Notes from a Garage

With John Gardiner

Wanting my share; checking my makeup; and Larry Towell…..

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

You know, I’ve finally figured out why I get so upset over government graft and corruption…it’s because I’m envious. I feel like the only person in Canada who doesn’t “know” someone in government so I get a special favour or two. ‘Way back when I was in high school, a friend of mine got the job as student employment officer for Hanover….and she got me a job working for the Hanover Horticultural Society…For the entire summer, I rode my bike around town tending to the flower gardens, weeding and doing stuff like that. So, I guess I used up my government favours right there. It’s the only time in my life I’ve been able to get into this “who-you-know” stuff. And while having that summer job for the Horticultural Society was pretty good, I’d rather be in the Canadian Senate or be awarded one of these multi-million untendered contracts that people seem to be cashing in on all the time. Or how about getting hired to run a government agency……once you’re hired, you’re set for life. Even if you’re really bad at the job, you’re set for life because the government will not only fire you, they’ll give you huge gobs of money while they’re doing it – and if they don’t, you sue their butts and get the money anyway. My word, seems that graft and corruption make the world go ‘round, and the only thing wrong with that is I’m not getting my share…..and if anyone in government is reading this….I think I’d make a damned fine Senator….

Okay, here comes another rant….A few months ago, I wrote a piece about a TV show called “Fashion File” about the world of haute couture….this week, I thought I’d pay equal attention to the cosmetics industry….What an enormous and colossal waste of energy, resources, money and just about anything else you’d care to mention. Back in the Sixties (I know – here he goes again), when women were burning their bras because they were sick and tired of being treated like sex objects and housewives and such, I really thought the whole “beauty” industry would go down the tube. I knew several girls back in that other time who refused to shave their legs and under their arms because they thought it was overtly sexist. And although I wasn’t sure I was ready for this type of approach, I had to fully agree with them. Why the heck should women have to shave their legs or under their arms or wear makeup or jewellery? Why couldn’t women be just who they were? So, that was the Sixties. Well, not only did the feminists of the day not get rid of all that stuff, it’s worse today than it ever was then. Not only do women not go braless in today’s world, half of them wear something called a “push-up” bra that sort of exaggerates their frontal area. And the makeup industry is going full-tilt, although I’m not exactly sure why. Why in the world do people feel they’ve gotta put all this “goop” all over them and hang “bling” from every orifice of their bodies. I certainly don’t get it….there are at least 97 anti-aging creams on the market, none of them work, but people continue to buy them and support the industry….I’m puzzled….I just don’t get it. I guess if everybody on the planet was well-fed and had good health care, I wouldn’t mind such a frivolous waste of time, energy, money and so on and so on and so on….

Anyway, had the great pleasure of hosting “The Collected Works of Larry Towell” at the Jeanne Gordon Theatre in Wallaceburg last Saturday evening. Had a full house and a really good show. Larry was raised just outside of Wallaceburg and attended WDSS and today is one of the top photojournalists in the world. He regularly travels to the world’s hotspots to photograph the happenings there – work that seems uncommonly dangerous but which has to be done. Anyway, it was a great thrill to host Larry and harmonica virtuoso Mike Stevens for the Wallaceburg show….Both are exceptional talents and I thank them for coming to Wallaceburg….

Well, out of time for another week. Hope things are going well for you and yours. I’m hoping for warmer weather through to March, then warmer weather yet….take care and remember, “Hew to the line; let the chips fall where they may.”



John Gardiner is a 25-year-veteran of the community newspaper business, but he is also a prolific writer of moralistic short fiction he refers to as "emotional thoughtscapes" or "adult fables". Samples of his fiction can be found at:

He has also produced a noteworthy piece of humanist philosophy which can be found at: http://www.xs4all.nl/~aboiten/ad502.htm He welcomes comments on his work.