cktimes.ca Archives for Notes from a Garage


Notes from a Garage

With John Gardiner

Wildly out of control, sick and depraved, allowable torture and a lack of sports

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

It's hard to believe I'm sitting here writing another Notes for cktimes – and it's hard to believe that Christmas is breathing down our necks. I can't believe it! Where does the time go? I find myself discussing that very issue with many, many people as I go about my travels. No one can believe how quickly time seems to be passing these days – if you read this space regularly, you know my thoughts on this. The media is driving us – herding us along the road of consumerism. Somehow, the way the media works today (quick, flashing images – short stacatto bursts of sound) is working to speed up our metabolism – making us go faster and faster. And as we go faster and faster, we buy more stuff – we drive the economy – we push it along at breakneck speed. I'm no psychologist or sociologist, although I sort of wish I was. I'd like to study the causal relationship between the media and consumers – I'd really like to know what's going on. And I'm wondering how fast they can speed us up before we seem to get up in the morning only to go to bed at night. I can't believe we're letting this happen. One more reason for me to believe that there's no one at the controls of Spaceship Earth – we're spinning wildly out of control in the universe. Remember, you read it here first.

What would possess right-thinking members of the human race to spend all night outside in the freezing cold to buy something called an X-Box? This is a strange story, but true. People actually did stand outside in the bitter cold last week to be first in line to get this thing, which, I think, plays video games. Probably all the evil video games that are corrupting our children and turning them into mass murderers and sadistic rapers and torturers at an alarming rate (or am I really talking about the United States government?). Man, this is a weird world. I had occasion to watch a few outtakes from some of these video games on TV again this week – very depraved stuff indeed. Perhaps we should make the people who invent these things play them in real life. Or maybe we should give them the Clockwork Orange treatment – remember when they strapped old Alex into that chair and forced him to watch scenes of ultra violence until the very thought of violence made him sick to his stomach. The people who invent these games are a sick bunch and the people who market them are even sicker. And I'm not sure you read that here first!

So, I'm watching Good Morning America this morning and the Charles guy on the show is doing a segment called "Inside the CIA". And when he's talking to the director of the CIA, he asks about allowable kinds of torture. Pardon? And the director says flatly they don't use torture. The Charles guy asks about sleep deprivation, forcing prisoners to stand for long periods of time, constant light, something called "water boarding". – does the CIA use these methods? The director totally evades the question by answering, "We don't use torture." He had shifty eyes and he said the CIA has the best intelligence gathering operation in the world. Well, lahdeedah. My problem is that I can't really come up with anything on the planet that should be so secret you've got to "spy" on someone to get it. I mean, what is this "intelligence" that the CIA is gathering? I know. I know. They're looking for Bin Laden and trying to foil the terrorists. Ask yourself why we have terrorists. It's because we can't get along with each other and we're always coveting each other's stuff. And that's because we can't seem to share with each other. All right! All right! I'm an idiot when it comes to this sort of stuff. I don't understand how the world works no matter how you look at it. I am one confused fellow. But I'm glad I haven't got any secret information up my sleeve or anywhere else. I'm sure I'd cry uncle even under the allowable types or torture. I'm a wimp, man – no secrets here!

I totally missed the Grey Cup game this year. Didn't even realize it was on. What a far cry from my younger days when I truly enjoyed watching Russ Jackson and Ronnie Lancaster, Angelo Mosca and Garney Henley suit up and battle it out. But I've lost my interest in the CFL along with all other sports. Not sure what prompted this, but I sometimes wish my personal sports blackout hadn't been so all-encompassing. I used to really enjoy watching a game of hockey or baseball – it was a good way to get together with a few friends to spend some quality time. Even after I moved to Wallaceburg, I spent time together with friends like Phil Shaw and Sam Kinsman watching sports events. But the world of pro sports has really alienated me. I just can't watch it anymore – there's a type of hypocrisy and there's absolutely no loyalty on the part of the teams or the players. It really has turned into a business with everybody grabbing for more money and the real fans sort of caught in the middle. Nope, not for me. But I sort of wish I could have spent the afternoon and evening eating football-shaped pizzas and cheering on my favourite team. Oh, well.

Anyway, I've really rambled on this week. Hope I'm not boring you. Have a great week, and remember, "Hew to the line; let the chips fall where they may."




John Gardiner is a 25-year-veteran of the community newspaper business, but he is also a prolific writer of moralistic short fiction he refers to as "emotional thoughtscapes" or "adult fables". Samples of his fiction can be found at:

He has also produced a noteworthy piece of humanist philosophy which can be found at: http://www.xs4all.nl/~aboiten/ad502.htm He welcomes comments on his work.