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Notes from a Garage

With John Gardiner

A longer than usual rant, bringing back the oldies and saving life at 201 Margaret

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

So, my buddy Philip Shaw fondly remembers the days of "Beating Around the Bush", my column that ran for 25 years in various publications around Southern Ontario. He remembers and reminds me that in "the Bush", I usually just wrote on one topic and I usually really waded in. In Notes From a Garage, I tend to hit and run – a kind of McJournalism – I don't tend to stay with any one topic for too long. This week, I'm tempted to change the format of Notes From a Garage and write one very long and vitriolic rampage about how fed up I am with the way our world currently works. I do a bit of this every week, but if anything needs to be written about over and over and again and again, it's the state of the world. I think the mainstream media is driving us in directions we'd sooner not go – if we knew where we were going at all. I'm caught up in this big philosophical argument with myself in recent years. What is the point of all this thrashing around on Planet Earth. I watch people closely – that's what I do in life – I'm an observer. And, then, I reflect on what I see. And what I see ain't pretty. Huge sections of the planet live in total misery because of a lack of the basic necessities of life. In the sections of the planet where most people have enough to eat and a place to live, the population is so stressed out that suicide rates are climbing, there's so much prozac being prescribed that it's starting to infiltrate the ground water, and people are crashing from strokes, heart attacks and cancer all over the place. A few rich folks sit atop this unsavoury brew and laugh at the rest of us – and the media simply can't wait to report on the excesses and opulence of the rich and famous. In the past week, I've seen an infommercial for a new Donald Trump seminar on how to get rich, I've seen Trump's children explain how they're just like everybody else – just normal kids – and I've seen Oprah tell one of the Vanderbilt children that it's okay to be rich – you should never apologize for being rich – that's what she told him. This is one very strange world where it's okay to be rich, and I guess it's okay to be poor as well. Anyway, I'm sorry – I'm ranting. Take all the wealth and resources in the world and put them in one big pot. Divide the stuff six billion ways and let's see where we stand. Then come up with a system that treats every living thing on the planet with dignity and respect. Is that too much to ask for?

So, that was a pretty long piece. And where did it get me? Well, it felt good to rant for a few minutes. It's a tough job ranting, but someboy's gotta do it!

I'm so glad it's spring and I can break out of my winter TV habits. I must say this was a bad winter for me and TV – I watched more than I should have. And what I discovered I was watching was CSI or Law & Order – that's about all that's on. I tried a couple of the sitcoms like Two And a Half Men with Charlie Sheen, but only lasted a few minutes each time. I can't stand reality shows or people eating worms, so TV viewing possibilities are few and far between. And you know what? Two of the best shows on TV are still Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and they've both been on for about 30 years. Not too much flash and pizzaz to either one of them – just some intelligent, fun TV. I'm wondering if maybe they should bring back the Beverly Hillbillies or Happy Days and the ratings might go through the roof. I'd be willing to give it a go. How about you?

While I was working on the paper earlier, I took a break and went out to see what my wife was up to – and there she was rescuing tadpoles from our swimming pool cover. That's right, folks, every spring toads from across Wallaceburg descend on our swimming pool cover and perform bizarre sex acts by the light of the moon – and they make a terrible racket while they're doing it. So, the first year this happened, we actually delayed opening the pool until all the little tadpoles had sprouted legs and could make it on their own in the big wide world. Problem was we didn't get the pool open until July. So, now my good wife tries to scoop as many as she can off the pool cover and into a bucket which she then carries across the road to the river where she frees them and perhaps saves their lives. Strange, but true. And that's the kind of lady my wife is. Last night, she was trying to save a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest and today it's tadpoles. If only we all thought as much of life as she does. Now if she can only save me!!!!!!

Well, there's another one in the books. I hope you're enjoying our little paper. We're working hard at it and hoping to change the world for the better. Take care and remember, "Hew to the line; let the chips fall where they may."




John Gardiner is a 25-year-veteran of the community newspaper business, but he is also a prolific writer of moralistic short fiction he refers to as "emotional thoughtscapes" or "adult fables". Samples of his fiction can be found at:

He has also produced a noteworthy piece of humanist philosophy which can be found at: http://www.xs4all.nl/~aboiten/ad502.htm He welcomes comments on his work.