cktimes.ca Archives for In My Humble Opinion
In My Humble Opinion
The Scrap Heard Round the World
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
When I worked at a newspaper office many years ago, I used to love going through the mail. For some reason, we always received a lot of complimentary trade magazines and catalogues for niche markets - things like restaurant business suppliers or chiropractic office outfitters. It was like peeking into hidden, private worlds. And to this day, 'advertising speak,' when applied to these specialized groups, always cracks me up. For example:* Deliver to the email inbox like you OWN it!
* Kodak In-Vivo Multispectral Imaging System FX enables *advanced unmixing of multiple fluorochromes.*
* Holstein World & AllBreed Access Country Store: The One Stop Shopping Spot for Dairy Enthusiasts!
Anyway, I haven't done this in a while, and boy, have I missed some major developments.
For example, consider the world of scrapbooking. Yes, you know, that quaint little hobby your grandmother or even great-grandmother pursued? The one that involved clipping newspaper spots about your relatives, mainly highlighting who'd been hatched, matched or dispatched?
Well, as proof that *nothing* is immune to the Big American Marketing Machine, it is now an industry worth $2.6 billion. I'm fairly certain there are entire countries that aren't worth that much.
There are websites, YouTube instructional videos, global conferences, television segments and even specialized software (for the truly modern digital scrapbooker). Indeed, the hobby has become so widespread and involved that some economists have begun to speculate that the so-called "subprime mortgage meltdown" may have been caused by scrapbooking. This is because of the double-whammy caused by the pastime: missing mortgage payments because two-thirds of your income is tied up in scrapbooking supplies, and losing several work days in a row while trying to finish a layout.
The industry has its own celebrities, who crisscross the country to teach, and who apparently get offers to go to Paris and London. Which leads me to ask a very important question: Would it kill someone to make *me* an offer to go to Paris? What about product endorsements? What if I said your product did a fantastic job of unmixing multiple fluorochromes?
There are also scandals: When prominent scrapbooker Kristina Contes entered and won a contest, but apparently broke one of the rules by submitting a layout with a photograph taken by someone else, and the sponsoring magazine seemed to overlook the infraction... the scrapbooking community went absolutely ballistic.
In discussion threads, people accused the magazine of rigging the contest, and felt the entire affair was on par with Olympic Games related drug scandals. Some commenters unloaded directly on Contes, calling her, among other things, trailer park trash, someone who didn't have a moral bone in her body, and a skank with a wide ass.
If my mention of the digital software hadn't blown away your (gentle, grandmotherly) perceptions of scrapbooking, I'm sure that last paragraph did.
Meanwhile, the reaction of the community has made me realize two fundamental truths:
1. The root cause of conflict in human society is not politics, religion, or even sexual or economic competition. It's all about the level of emotional investment. This is why some people will hit the streets over election results, and other people will drop gloves over a parking space.
2. Anyone who has ever even waved a pot of glue at a scrapbook (myself included) really shouldn't snigger over the fact there are people who voluntarily call themselves dairy enthusiasts.
One thing scrapbookers do have over many of us though, is the ability to make some really nice things. I'm always amazed at the amount of creative energy people have, and how some of the most mundane or banal aspects of our existence can be turned into miniature works of art.
And if I could just find a way to be that artistic with unmixed multiple fluorochromes, I might yet earn that invite to Paris.
---
And you thought I was kidding:
http://tinyurl.com/2k2ssj (LA Times story on Contes, requires free registration)
http://tinyurl.com/269gwa (Some comments on the scandal)
http://tinyurl.com/27c5a7 (Example layouts)
MAILBAG:
I knew we were getting old when we drove back from Nantwich and Adam challenged me to keep the fuel economy at 50mpg. No longer was it how fast you could go (I have promised Adam a sports car for his midlife crisis) but it was about how far... Congratulations on your new Mum mobile... please feel free to burn teenagers off at lights just because you can (and my engine is MUCH bigger than theirs!)
Clare
--
My dearest Chandra,
The only 'rational green contributive move' a man can make in his life is to marry a low maintenance wife.
- Laz
---
** Find subscription information, add this column to your site or learn more about its author. **
(c) 1997-2008 Chandra K. Clarke
Do you have a syndicated newsreader? A website that accepts syndicated feeds? Add this feed:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/ChandraClarke
Main site:
http://www.chandrakclarke.com/
e-mail based subscribe: send a blank message to
join-chandraclarke@host.netatlantic.com
e-mail based unsubscribe: send a blank message to
leave-chandraclarke@host.netatlantic.com
or to unsubscribe click:
http://host.netatlantic.com/u?id=55041307N&n=T
Email the author:
Chandrac @ chandrakclarke.com (remove the spaces)
This is a work of humour, satire and parody. That means the statements and information contained in these pages are by no means fact, and are offered solely as comedy material or as individual opinion. All trademarks and registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners. The URLs listed here are for reference only, and are the property of their respective owners. Ms. Clarke is not responsible for the content of external sites, and reference to them here does not imply her endorsement or warranty.
The CEO of Scribendi.com, Chandra started out as a freelancer for a chain of agribusiness newspapers. This means that a) she had to endure a lot of jokes about being "outstanding in her field" and b) she has a thick portfolio of articles on soybeans. If pressed, she'll admit that she's done hard time as a municipal beat reporter and a managing editor. She has also freelanced for publications like Discovery Channel Online, Gale Research, and Spaceref.com. She has a diploma in robotics, a BA in English, and an MSc in Space Exploration Studies mainly so she can say "As a matter of fact, I am a rocket scientist." She got into humour and fiction writing when she discovered that it's much more fun to write when you actually admit you're making it up as you go along. She released her first novel, a sci-fi adventure called Taiamoora, in 1999. Her weekly humour column In My Humble Opinion is published worldwide in newspapers and magazines, and is available via email subscription. Her guide to humour writing has recently been updated; the second edition is available at Amazon.com.
